This is Shirley
Shirley was my mom, my hero, and my best friend. She was my inspiration for wanting to become an in-home compassionate-care provider for our wonderful elderly community.
I’d love to the opportunity to provide in-home compassion care for your elderly loved one as well.
My Story
On October 8th, 2018, my mother, Shirley Ann Canaday Schmidtlein McGeary, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s-Dementia. Our family was in disbelief as Mom was the matriarch of the family, our person who brought everyone together unconditionally. Although we are a small family, we all mourned this diagnosis in unspoken and spoken ways. “How could this be?” “Why was Mom the one to have such a debilitating disease?” “This isn’t fair.” As the first three years passed, Mom slowly slipped away, especially during the Covid years. She withdrew. She seldom engaged in conversation; she preferred to go to her quiet place. She called this “Home.” We tried so hard to keep her engaged. She liked to do a few limited activities like jigsaw puzzles and a few choice activities on her iPad. Her sleep increased and her appetite decreased.
As two more years passed, the disease continued to take mom from us. She forgot our names although she recognized our faces and voices. She withdrew from social settings and from her friends. She continued to want to go “Home.” Mom presented as someone with depression; she had little connection with even her immediate family. We were at a crossroads regarding her next level of care. That is when we decided that she would come live with me in Lawrence, KS. So, on January 2, 2024, I gathered up a few of her things and, with the help of my family, created a safe space for her in my home.
The journey that took place for only nine short months was one that will forever remain deep within my heart. I experienced a once very loving, very joyful, very giving and nurturing Mom disappear before my eyes. Every day was one more blessing to have her in my daily life. The silence was deafening although she knew that I was right there and was going to take the best care of her that I possibly could. She loved her new room and expressed gratitude often. “Is this MY room?” she would ask. Her eyes lit up when she realized that this was her space and she was going to be cared for here. I could sense her relief, her calm. Keeping her as engaged as much as possible was very important to me.
After only a few weeks of living with me, I noticed that mom had more interest in things.
She wanted to be awake more and engaged with me and others who entered the home. We had daily art time, weekly water color painting, and time with her Care 4 All group. This group is Alzheimer’s-specific. Mom was initially reluctant but she quickly realized that she was with her people. She came to view them as an amazing group of men and women, along with volunteers from the community, who enjoyed laughter and engagement with unconditional love. She loved our evening routine of ice-cream on the couch watching Mamma Mia or some other musical. She wanted to help with simple daily chores. Sorting silverware, folding towels, matching socks were her go to’s. She spoke more and her silly side blossomed as she loved to be the center of attention. Her bedtime routine always meant asking me to “Get in” while she pulled the covers back. Her infamous response to “Hi Momma” was always a “Hi” back, even with her eyes closed.
It meant the world to me and our family that we had made the right decision about her at-home care.
We grew closer than I ever imagined. We depended on each other and built a trust that could not be broken. In social settings, she had to know right where I was and the trust that she built with me was so meaningful to us both. My family and I are grateful for our lovely time with her.
Mom fought the fight for a few more months until the disease won.
Although I mourn her every day, she has provided me with a gift to touch the lives of others with Alzheimer’s. I refer to my next career chapter as Shirley’s Angel: the role of being an in-home companion where I can have personal connections with others who have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
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